Coming Soon to a World near you

© March 2011

Something is coming.

It's coming like a T-Rex comes
   to the research trailer on the edge of the cliff.

The lying, thieving raping bastards who run this dying world are calling it.
They dance naked under a full moon,
calling it,
offering to exchange our lives and our future
   and our children's inheritance
   but not their own, if they can help it
   just ours
   for the power they can gain.

and it comes crashing through the trees
  snarling and biting
  and we don't notice the tree tops getting snapped aside
  like so many weeds
  because CBS and CNN sing their soothing lullaby
  Hush li'l baby, don't you cry,
  Mama gonna throw you to the Rex

The world changed when the towers fell into Pearl Harbor in 1929
And it's about to change again.
The beams are going to break
The restraint is going to give way

And it will come
And the image will explain it to us
as we're eaten.

Daylight Savings: end it now!

Today, once again, we observed the pagan ritual of Daylight Savings Time.

We do this twice a year, forcing the sun to advance in the sky the length of a time zone in the spring, and then forcing it to actually move backwards in the fall. This cannot be good for the sun!

So I did some research. It turns out that NASA and our government are aware of a phenomenon they secretly call "Sun Fatigue," but of course they aren't going to tell us about it. And when this gets out, they will deny deny and deny some more. But here are the photos.

First, the sun just before the government began requiring DST:

Notice the healthy yellow glow coming from our friend, the yellow sun, which gives Superman his powers.

Now notice the sun five years after they began tampering with the Universe itself:

You can see that the yellow has faded, and old sol is a little closer to being a Red Dwarf, and a little closer to imploding from exhaustion, absorbing our Earth in a black hole of utter destruction.

But a couple of years ago, they made it worse, much worse.

DST is now the law a full half of the year, leaving the sun even less time to recover from the enormous strain of going backwards every other half-year. And, because of new TSA regulations requiring the sun to also go through a security scanner every time it reaches a new time zone - after all, it is in our air space - our sun, our faithful friend, the source of our energy, is actually ill.

Just look at the sickly green that is infecting the face of our best friend in space:

Forget about global warming. This is the real danger. Something must be done. Write your congressman now, and demand that our sun be given its freedom once again.

Maddening phone tree systems

You've navigated through them. We all have. You call a large mega-company, and you press one for English. That's the cliché, but it never stops there. And by the time you get what you want done, you're at least a little irritated.

I've been doing the finances for GA's parents, because they're no longer able. I pay bills for them, take care of address changes, and help them call companies who need to be called. I'm kind of a problem solver for them. Recently, my father-in-law lost his health insurance card sometime during one of our trips to get medical visits done. It's not a terrible problem, because we can always use a recent statement from them to get the numbers required. But he needs something to carry in his wallet, and an 8 x 11 monthly statement isn't the best thing to carry in your wallet.

So I called the insurance company, and began my journey through the labyrinth of their phone tree.

Press "1" for English.

OK.

Do you have a current policy with Mega-Giant Health Insurance Corporation?

Yes.

Please enter the contract number.

I did so.

If you are inquiring about an existing claim, or a potential claim, or a denied claim, press "1".
If you are inquiring about a....  

...and on and on, but of course without any option for a live person. Eventually, at about number four, one of the offers had to do with requesting a form. "Aha! I thought. An insurance card might be considered a form. I'll go there." I pressed four.


If you are requesting a form ***, press "1" - if you are requesting a form ***, press "2" - if you are... and so on. None of the options was an insurance card, but one of the options was a blank space for about a second. Should I go for that one? I decided to chance it.

If you are requesting... and they named yet another form and another blank space. So I took a chance. I said to the phone computer, in a clear, firm voice, "I need a replacement insurance card."

I'm sorry, I didn't understand that, said the polite computer voice.

I said it again. "I need a replacement insurance card."

I'm sorry, I didn't understand that, said the polite computer voice again, with the same tone.

I said, with absolutely no irritation in my voice, "That's because you're an idiot."

And it said, "Would you like to speak to a customer service representative?"

I should have guessed that they would have the program listen for the word "idiot" as a clue to the customer losing his patience. Duly noted. I'll bet this works everywhere.