The Palin scandals!

You have no doubt been reading in the various media that scandals are breaking on Sarah Palin as the waves break on the rocky shores of Atlantis. Like Atlantis, she is sinking fast, and is proving to be the worst possible choice McCain could have made for his VP. But they aren't telling you the half of it, my loyal readers.

It appears that to celebrate her election as governor of Alaska, Palin had Jewish and black babies ground into sausage for a Republican fundraiser. To obtain these babies, she had the mothers forced to become pregnant, and by the way, all their mothers had to run marathons after their water broke.

She attended a church that had its members dance naked under a full moon as a sacrament, as George Bush speeches were played on the PA system. They then sacrificed baby seals on the altar at the stroke of midnight. It appears that the video has been censored from the libraries all over Alaska, even though it had been required viewing in the public schools up until the day Palin accepted the nomination for VP.

And though she claims to have been opposed to corruption, she accepted campaign funds from the Chinese communist party. No, wait, that may have been someone else. But she has yet to deny this allegation, or prove her innocence.

She is also an unrepentant heterosexual who buried fourteen virgin librarians under the newly poured cement of the children's book section. It also appears that she refused to attend Ellen Degeneres' wedding reception.

Worse yet, it appears that she didn't floss on March 3rd of 2005.

Her campaign staff does not deny any of these allegations. They are obviously circling the wagons in sheer terror of more scandal breaking by the hour. This is the worst political nomination since Karl Marx wrote the Declaration of Independence... in the original Spanish.