Dialysis R Us

I'm used to finding all manner of paper and cardboard hanging from my doorknob. It's usually somebody trying to scrounge up business, for a lawn care company, or maybe a maid service.

Today, on my way out of the house to toss one more plastic bottle into the recycle tub out at the curb before the waste management people arrived to make my world a cleaner place, I saw a new one: a slick brown cardboard advertisement hanging from the knob. This one was for home dialysis.

Is this the best way to get new customers for dialysis? Are they trying to be the first to get to me when I suffer from renal failure? Is this kind of like ambulance chasing for your kidneys?

I can just see the dad in the household, coming home from work and pulling the card from the door, reading the ad, and calling up to everyone upstairs in the TV room: "Hey! Anybody up there need any dialysis? They got a special on this week."

"Not today, dear... but put it in the coupon drawer, in case something comes up."

"OK. My pee does smell a little strong lately."

"Want me to call a doctor?"

"Naw. Doctors don't know nothin'. If my eyes turn yeller, we'll know who to call."

I love this place.

Sea World and the greedy dolphin slavemasters

So we went to San Antonio this Saturday to meet the grandkids for a day of romping in the wet attractions, and to see Shamu.



Going on a Saturday in August is NOT a good idea. While I did enjoy seeing the kiddos, Sea World made me feel less like a customer or visitor than a cash cow.

Even on the best of days, you would have to say that this is a very expensive theme park to visit, but at least you'd have a good time. But they apparently make no effort to avoid over-selling the park. We were first greeted by the kid selling the parking permits: $15 a car, which is ridiculous. But it's their park, so we had to pay it.

We had already bought our tickets online, costing over a hundred bucks for the two of us. Once in the gate, though, we found it so crowded that we could barely turn around. For my part, I was able to ride two roller coasters once each, and I saw the 4D pirate film, and I saw Shamu Rocks Texas. To accomplish the Shamu admission, we had to stand in line in the sun for an hour before they even started letting people in - otherwise we couldn't even get standing room in the back. Georganne didn't even do the roller coasters or the pirate film.

Getting lunch required a wait in line for 45 minutes! And then we had to fight to get a place to sit down and eat.

To add insult to injury, Sea World has taken a hint from Disney and started selling Fast Passes, where you pay extra and you can jump the line ahead of the other people who have already been waiting for their hour, thus making their wait even longer, and Sea World's pockets even fuller. For the record, I find the whole concept of Fast Passes unfair and obscene. After waiting all that time, and finally getting to the ride, when I'm NEXT - oh, sorry sir, these people have a Fast Pass so you'll have to wait for them.

Again, it's their park, so they can run it as they please, but it seems to me that there should be a limit on admissions to prevent overcrowding. There were at least twice as many people in that park than there should have been.

On the plus side, and I always like to be an optimist, the Killer Whales (all of which are named Shamu) are magnificent, smart animals. And the Steel Eel is one screamer of a roller coaster.

And after the day ended, and the sun went down, we had a very pleasant stay at the Holiday Inn Express nearby, which had a Shamu mural on the elevator door.